Easily Distracted

I think my biggest disappointment out of this whole break-up aftermath has been myself. I thought that I was man enough to handle it... God knows I've been in shitty situations in the past that should have toughened me up. But here I am, 25 years old, crying, and acting like a depressed teenager.

What's more annoying is that sometimes the depression gets so bad that I have trouble controlling my actions and become self-destructive. Not cutting like in the old days, but impulsive things like randomly drinking an entire bottle of wine, intentionally slamming my fingers in a door, stupid shit like that. And it gets a lot harder to control suicidal thoughts, even though seeing death had killed (lawl) any belief in an afterlife I might've had.

Sure I had bouts of depression when I was with Matt, but they were nowhere near this bad and I could always rely on him to comfort me, always rely on his warm embrace to keep me from going over the edge. Now my mood is ten times worse and he's not there to catch me. I guess it's just another break-up for him, but I find myself worrying if I'll survive it.

Cheer up emo kid.