Easily Distracted

Last night I was so fucking stressed out about this travelling business that I didn't fall asleep 'til 7am. Indecently, that was the time I was supposed to wake up to go to class. Meh, Visual Communication is worthless anyway. Like someone who specialised in animation at college needs to be told how to storyboard :/

So many forms that I don't understand which need to be handed in ASAP, so much money I don't have, so many things I don't wanna let go of... God, I don't know whether I want to cry or punch something. Maybe I should make a pot of tea.

Anyway.

Please take the time out of your day to watch this video, I think it's quite an accurate representation of high school life and will surely bring back memories for many of you.

I am in such a bad mood I'm not sure what to do :/

1. eBay buyer is filing a claim that an item he received from me is not as described. I have no idea where this is coming from and now my PayPal account is in the negative. Good thing I paid for Vampire Requiem before he launched the case >_>

2. A source I want to interview is missing in action and their PR is giving me the run around. This is the life I chose -_-;

3. Me: Hey Dad, I'm having some problems with-
Dad: This is damn good lemon, lime and bitters, don't you think?
Me: Um... I'm really upset and-
Dad: *walks off*
Me: ;_;

4. Have finished maybe 10% of an essay due in less than 48 hours, but I'm too damn tired to form coherent sentences.

5. I gave like 3 people cash and now I don't think I'll be able to afford petrol this week.

*sigh* At least there'll be a new Daily Show uploaded in a couple of hours.

*Anyone know of a cheap furniture place in Brisbane? I'm finally replacing that battered old couch and intened to hit up Super A-mart and Fantastic Furniture... any other suggestions?

*I find it ironic that freethinkers seem to think about nothing but how messed up religion is. I have no idea why I joined their shitty society at UQ, now my inbox is full of e-mails documenting the same issues over and over featuring interviews with people who agree with them. At least religious fundamentalists are entertaining :(

*You ever get those courses which you have to do to get your degree but are void of any useful content? I have to do Convergent Journalism, which is basically a bunch of old men sitting around and talking about how they didn't have Twitter back in their day or how the internet has changed reporting. And people wonder why the biz is going broke. One lecturer actually used the phrase "e-mail machine".

*I somehow managed to whack myself in the eye with my clunky metal birdcage necklace. I was paralysed with pain for a whole minute. This is what happens when I catch public transport.

*Often times late nights bring about bouts of creativity or depression. Tonight, I am depressed that I am not creative. I think if I put a bullet in my skull it would have to go on a mountain excursion to find my brain.

I'm not in a good place at the moment.

I think I'll just... go to bed for a while. So goddamn tired. So sick to my stomach over journalism. I feel like a child peering out from beneath their blankets at something horrible. Sometimes I just wish my car would swerve into a pole and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Sometimes I just don't know how I'm supposed to deal with the future.

I was doing some shopping at Chermside today but had to leave early due to the fact that I feeling so stupidly emo that it was making me sick in the stomach. I try so fucking hard to keep my spirits up by absorbing X-Japan, fake news, lolita, things like that... just trying to make myself smile, I guess. But it's getting so much harder to lose myself in escapism, and when I do it leaves me completley out of touch with reality. At this point in time I can honestly say that I really do not have anything to live for, and I don't mean that in a shitty LOL AN HERO TEIM way, it's just that I'm lacking in things that would give my life meaning and purpose.

Living with Dad makes things both easier and horribly worse. I can be crying and he will just ignore me or rant about Nazis or some stupid shit. I'll be excited about something and he'll change the subject. I'll want to talk about how well I did at Uni and he won't reply to me, instead interrupting me so he can spend 10 minutes talking about a rubber band he found on the floor (I'm serious). The day after Mum died, he that I didn't have the right to be as upset as him because us kids spring back more easily. I find it so hard to take these things from the man who turned my mother from a happy-go-lucky extrovert into a suicidal prisoner in her own home. I keep telling myself that I'll be out of here soon but in the mean time I feel like I'm struggling to survive.

I'm babbling I guess. If I could express myself this well verbally instead of relying on shitty journal entries to vent, I would probably be a lot healthier. I wish I could find a happier note to end on. I feel like a douche.

I am beating myself up for getting 4 out of 5 on a piece of assessment for Creative Writing - an elective, no less - worth 5% as well as giving myself headaches and losing sleep over a draft of my final piece that is due next week.

This is the same mentality that destroyed my art and I don't know how to overcome it. The huge amount of pressure I put on myself to excel in journalism resulted in what will probably be my first fail at uni.

Am I a tortured artist yet? ._.

This assignment is gradually defeating me. I should've managed my time better- why does it have to be due in at 11am tomorrow? All the other faculties set the deadline at around 4pm. I need photographs. I need to set up a Flash site which I'm only half capable of (fuck you animation diploma, fuck you). I want to apply for an extension but I did that for my last reporting assignment, and missing deadlines won't get one very far in this field.

God, what am I doing. I can't back this story up without more evidence.

I need a hug ._.

It's both fascinating and irritating having days, weeks and months meld seamlessly into eachother. It's all one big indiscernable mass. You suddenly wake up and find yourself in the year 2009 like you're playing the lead role in some campy sci-fi movie. So many people come and go, so many moments merge into one another to the point where you wonder if they actually happened at all. Everything's a blur.

I don't feel very well.

Slowly nursing myself back to sanity. Last night I was so anxious I felt like I was going to throw up -_-; My heart's still a bit racey.

Being the genius that I am, I've managed to schedule my first coversation class at Uni to coincide with my final Japanese exam. I'm hoping that I can finish a 2 hour exam in 90 minutes so I can rush out of there and be all punctual-like. Also, like everyone else in this recession-bound world, I'm having trouble finding a second job that ties in with my studies. The problem is that I need to keep my weekends free because that's the only time I really get to study, something that's virtually impossible if you're applying for casual positions. I've been looking at night work but there's very few things on offer. The only suitable position I've found - that spirit-crushing vocation known as data-entry - is miles away on the outskirts of Brisbane (if infact it is in Brisbane... maybe closer to Logan).

Money towards X-Japan concert in NY so far: $1000 once Jetstar refund me from that ill-fated Japan trip. That's enough to get me to NY but not back. I'm wondering if that's a bad thing.

Ugh, still feeling sick and on edge... however, I am somewhat brightened up by the fact that the shopping service Jess and I are going through has *finally* managed to track down this JSK for me! I suppose this will have to be my last major purchase if I want to be jetsetting to the northern hemisphere again. I can't believe it's been almost a year since I ventured over to Japan for that beautiful concert that saw me fulfilling a dream and dropping out of Uni. Oh, I miss it so badly... I want to be back in Shinjuku drinking $6 cups of tea and wandering up to the top floors of Marui One to drop a few hundred. Dammit, I've just realised how much I crave hot cans of sickly sweet vending machine-fresh tea >_>



Mmm'yep.

After watching clips from X's Hong Kong concert I am now desperate for them to announce the dates of the US concerts. HOT HIDE COSPLAYER OR HOTTEST HIDE COSPLAYER? Hopefully I'll get to the one in NYC if it agrees with my holidays and I can get a decent job in time. (The one I signed up for at Uni doesn't have many hours ;_;)

Oh, good news! I managed to shirk my Bachelor of Arts and weasle into the Bachelor of Journalism so I don't have to do any stupid crap like writing a 3000 word essay on the history of reporting, rather I am taught how to actually go out and report. Freaking w00t- theory can suck my gargantuan pulsating manmeat.

And this all would have happened a lot sooner if it wern't for one little conversation that happened almost 10 years ago. (Good Christ, how can I possibly be that old?)

( Cut for ranting )