"I.V. to my vein, to feel less it's pain..."

[friezaess]

Some days it's so hard to fight being miserable ._.

I've been trying SO DAMN HARD for ages to be... well... content I guess. Not happy. Maybe sometime in the future I can be happy, but it's taken me years just to get to the point of being able to classify myself as "not entirely sad", so yeah... baby steps >_>

I don't wanna be unhappy. I just want to lose myself...

Comments

[kitsunesakurano.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* For the record I love my Su

[rininjapan.livejournal.com]

What we call happiness (http://megami-tsuki.livejournal.com/106103.html) is usually just something to fill our time and lives with. (Thanks megami-tsuki!)

Most of the time you won't know what that is until it practically slams you in the face. You may have seen something similar or even the same thing before and there was no effect on you. Yet if you see the same thing from a different angle, it may be what grips you.

I know it sounds cryptic but this is how I've found my happiness. What you call 'unhappiness' may just be a form of boredom or a lack of something to keep on going for. I had to jump the country to find it and it still took me a hell of a long time. The first jump was 2003 and I haven't found out how much I love things about this place until earlier this year. They're little things that make me weep and wonder what to do next once they're over, but I have no choice but to look forward to the next event.

For example, I gave up going to game centers because they now bore the shit out of me. Instead, I've fully taken up Go (a battle game on a block of wood played with black and white stones) and am even going to Sunday classes.

Anyway, it may take forever, but you have to find your own path. Maybe the way you feel now is the way I felt for the three years I was going to uni.

We're here for you. Just remember that.

How much uni do you have left? If you finish that and need an "escape" even for just one year, I'll do what I can for you over here. Trust me, it's not a bad job or life at all, and I'll help any way I can. At least it'd be something for you to look forward to. And you barely spend any time with the 'kids' anyway.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Oh sweet Jesus, the images in that link... O_O Won't it be fun if that person ever decides to move? (Oh Gackt, you're so very airbrushed...)

I think a lot of my unhappiness stems from lonliness at the moment. I'm pretty much all by myself, and though I've tried putting myself "out there" (Uni clubs, etc.), I've not really found any people that I gel with. I miss having people whose compant I enjoy and who I can just hang out with. Meh.

I have a very, very long time left at Uni lol. Chances are I won't get out until 2011, unless I'm able to do a summer semester (fingers crossed!). It would've been 2010 but, well, priorities and all... *points to her avatar*

Anyway, enough of my ranting. Thanks for the long reply, you should've spent your time downloading manpr0n though ^_~