Job search

[friezaess]

So I applied for a job at the resident pr0n shop. I've actually been in there before for shits n' giggles- some of their hook-shaped anal beads confused me, but the glittery nipple caps were kinda pretty. Also, they had those awesome boots with spiked heels that go all the way up to your thigh. Damn I wish I could wear stilettos.

Anyway, they sent me back a questionnaire to fill in. It was the usual stuff- "What times are you available?", "Do you have your own transport?", "Are you prepared to work weekends?" However, there was one question that threw me for a loop: "Which of our products interests you and why?" ... How do I respond to that?

Well I must say, in all my travels across the shopping centres of the world, I have never encountered a product with the same quality and durability as your 20" Studded Rubber Horse Cock. I remember when I first encountered the 20" Studded Rubber Horse Cock back in 1972 upon my return from South-East Asia. I was driving down the road in my rusty old Dodge when the rear tyre blew. The loud pop echoed in my ears like the sound of my best friend's head after being pumped full of hot lead by Charlie. Instinctively, I screeched to a halt and tried to crouch under the steering wheel. That's when an old hitch hiker toddled up to my car and stuck his head in the window.

"Hey man, are you okay?" He asked as the stench of sweat and weed filled the cabin. I looked up at him, sniveling like an eight year old. He smiled a gummy smile, the few remaining teeth he had encrusted filth. "Here... take this." Something heavy fell into my lap and I looked down. It was a 20" Studded Rubber Horse Cock. I used it to prop up the car as I changed the tyre, then removed it to knock the nuts on nice and tight. In fact, I still drive on that same tyre to this day. Since then, I've taken your sturdy 20" Studded Rubber Horse Cock everywhere I go- it's helped me turn the TV off from 20" away, smack would-be robbers in the head and provides a comfortable place to sit when all the chairs are taken on the bus. The 20" Studded Rubber Horse Cock is also great for Christmas cooking- my kids just love using it to roll out our cookie dough, and the studs make great patterns! Safe to day, the 20" Studded Rubber Horse Cock changed my life and I never leave the house without it.

I also think your massage oil is great to throw into the eyes of passers-by before I sodomise them.

They do have pretty cool horse cocks.

Comments

[halfeatenmoon.livejournal.com]

And you think you can't write any more. We'd totally print that rubber horse cock review in our student newspaper.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

You have an awesome student newspaper.

[xelyna.livejournal.com]

Please tell me you are actually going to submit that? :D :D :D :D

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

I'm tempted ^^;

[bakames.livejournal.com]

Love your story (and horse cocks :D) but you should just go for simplicity and say petticoats and boots! No one can question that

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Haha yeah, sex shops have awesome pettis. Well, maybe that one in Elizabeth st will soon ;)

[minna.livejournal.com]

I think the hook shape is a prostate stimulation thing.

ALSO, PUT THAT AS YOUR REPLY. THEY'LL TOTES HIRE YOU. And if they don't, they're not awesome.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Really? They look like it's supposed to follow the path of your intestines or something D:

[buttonss.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha what an entertaining story. Submit it and I'm sure you will get the job.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Lulz. Yeah, retail workers love the horse cock.

[vysanthe.livejournal.com]

lolololol. Actually, a friend told me this story - He was in King's Cross (lol) and talking to the man who ran the sex shop. He told him that one night, a burglar came and demanded him to hand over the money. Instead of getting the money, he pulled out a huge double-ended black dildo from under the counter and swung, hitting the guy straight to the head and knocking him out. He then restrained him with the conveniently placed bondage equipment until the coppers came.

:D

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, that is the greatest thing EVER. The bondage gear was a nice touch. I guess when the revolution comes, we know where to source our weaponry from.

[zurka-dameer.livejournal.com]

Wait, you didn't hand that in as your reply? Why the hell not! DO IT NOW WOMAN!