Emo rant

[friezaess]

WARNING: The following post is a speel of emo bullshit written by someone with a drama queen complex. You may now stop reading and close your browser before you drown in an ocean of generic teen angst. MY TEXT IS BLACK, LIKE MY SOUL!





I admit, I'd gotten cocky. By surpressing every little emotion that came my way I'd reached a state of apathy that I casually assumed was permanent. I was quite pleased with myself as I had gone from an emotional trainwreck to an unfeeling bastard who for once wasn't concerned with OMG I HAET MY LIFE, WOE IS ME, NIGGERS, etc.

I didn't quite count on the fact that merely shoving all those feelings aside was not the road to sweet indifference and that said feelings would eventually spew out all over the place at the slightest hinderance. Hence why a simple (and literal) slip up at work turned me into a sobbing ball of pure despair and also why I've felt like bursting into tears all day whilst fighting to win back control. I recieved a simple SMS mentioning that I might be rostered on Christmas Day and I find myself unable to sleep, vision blurred once again as I type.

I don't care if they fire me; I'm not working Christmas Day. It's hard enough having to endure those bloody carols that every shopping centre gets a hard-on from playing 24/7, let alone keeping it together on the first Christmas without the one person in my life who actually gave a rat's ass about the holiday.

Godammit, I feel like such an ass dwelling on shit like that. "BAWWWWWW, I can't work on Christmas 'cos I'm a 22 year old who's still angsting about poor ol' Mummy-dearest!" Most of us outlive our parents eventually, but most of us aren't still raw over it 10 months down the track. Am I too clingy? A Mummy's girl?

Hm, these silly tears would suggest I am. And thus my ego takes another blow.

Okay, so I won't be stupid, meaningful dates like birthdays and the holiday season are always shit for people who have lost someone (at least that's what the hospital's brochure entitled "Dealing With The Loss of a Loved One" told me). But... ugh. It's just annoying. I thought I had all of this shit under control, but I'm just as screwed up as I was before. At least previously I was an emo faggot 24/7... now despite the momentary control that comes with surpressing stuff I can only guess when I'm going to have some kind of embarassing emotional outburst and hope that it doesn't happen in public (unlike yesterday >_<)

And of course the only person who was ever able to make me feel better about myself is on another plane of existance.

tl;dr- I want to crawl into a dark corner and cry until I'm dead -_-;

Comments

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Yeah, on mine it's purple... dammit >_>

[sefieslj.livejournal.com]

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*
Sorry I missed your raep attempt, come raep me on email if you need to? D:

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Penetration is the ultimate form of flattery.

[azusachan.livejournal.com]

Screw how long people 'usually' take to get over things. That can't be measured in days and weeks and months. People take years to get over BREAKUPS, let along actually losing someone for real. You're entitled to grieve as long as you want or need to, and anyone that says you're 'taking too long' is an insensitive jerk. Don't let anyone try to invalidate what you're feeling. Your feelings are valid, they're honest and they're exclusively yours, something that no one else has a right to intrude on unless you explicitly invite them. Don't ever be ashamed of yourself for continuing to feel love and loss for the heartbreak you've been dealt.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but eh. I was hoping I was past all this emotional crap and well on my way to becoming a robot. I shall be called Asimo and will speak in a thick American accent despite being Japanese.

Meh.

[tortoises.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'd say something more, but azusachan got it in one.

[swiftylily.livejournal.com]

this woman speaks the truth.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

Actually I've been pretty good this year, but Christmas is just... SGEJDAGJASGJEUR8!

*hugs back*

[damasquerade.livejournal.com]

Everybody else has already said part of it, but where the fuck did you get a stupid idea like everybody else gets over it in 10 months? Don't be a dummy, Fri, because you're not. :p

Also, some practical advice - I have no idea how much of a cunt your boss is, but I would think a reasonable human being would accept the fact that you don't want to work on Christmas Day because you want to be with your family who are also dealing with their first Christmas away from a loved one.

[friezaess.livejournal.com]

I wish I was a dummy so I could have someone's hand up my ass :/

Thank God and/or Satan, I've gotten my new roster and I'm not on for Christmas Day. w00t, I can spend the day brooding in a dark corner like a good little emo kid ^^;